Who said "life's a gas"?
Hello, here's a man humming a jaunty tune whilst putting
a new gas cylinder in his heater. No doubt he'll take all the necessary
precautions. What could possibly go wrong?
"I'm fed up. Being
a gas means you want to keep moving."
(Aaaaaaaargh!!! Talking gas! Okay, it doesn't sound
particularly gaseous or sinister, but even so, you should probably still
run away very quickly.)
"In these cylinders there's
no room to expand at all!"
(Well, who'd be a gas, eh? Not me. It must
be hell.)
"And anyway, in a mobile
heater, the most you can hope for is a short trip up the tube, to the heady
excitement of being a controlled flame."
(Not only is the gas fed up, and able to talk, he/she/it
is also sarcastic. I'd switch to electric central heating as soon
as possible, mate, or there's gonna be trouble here.)
"We do get out sometimes,
you know. In fact... yeah! There's a leak! Now's my chance!"
(Oh no! The gas is escaping! What's he going
to do now, bore the guy to death with his moaning?)
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!
Time to build up a nice surprise..."
(Everybody in the world can now see what is about to
happen, except the man with the heater, who is clearly deaf, blind, and
has no sense of smell...)
"Here we go!"
(A million people all sitting at home shouting "No!"
can't save this fool...)
(It's no good you taking cover now, mate. That's
put your gas at a peep...)
"Take care with the gas
in your heater."
(And remember, if you hear the gas in your heater
talking to you, please hand yourself in at your nearest mental hospital.)